I find myself in a Walter Mitty moment, in the scene where he goes to work everyday, gets done what needs to get done, and then commutes home like everyone else. Day in and day out, the same grey and navy blue picture of New York City and the office. Even though he gets through his monotonous days, he dreams of a different existence, one of creativity, danger, and adventure. I am Walter Mitty right now, the version of him that feels stuck in his cyclical world.
This coincides with the lyrics from Fleet Foxes in “Helplessness Blues” that came to mind as I sat eating dinner with Amin — themes of being part of something bigger and working myself to a pleasurable exhaustion for something I love.
...And now after some thinking, I'd say I'd rather be
A functioning cog in some great machinery serving something beyond me...
If I had an orchard, I'd work 'til I'm raw
If I had an orchard, I'd work 'til I'm sore
And you would wait tables and soon run the store...
If I had that place where I could put all of my energies towards, I probably wouldn’t be singing “Helplessness Blues” to you right now. I would be working and feeling fulfilled.