In the Garden

I spent the majority of today tinkering with my website, but I made time to be outside as well, even if it was for an hour. Amin and I played badminton—something new we’re trying out—and I repotted a couple of plants that I bought new pots for. It was a Sunday well spent, although no cleaning got done and there’s laundry still left in the basket.

Spending time on the patio with our plants has been a retreat for me. Every weekend these last three weeks I’ve been repotting and watering our plants and checking in on their growth. I’ve had a few plants graduate from our propagation station to soil. I think of “Pomp and Circumstance” every time.

I noticed that terracotta seems to be the best option for repotting since it’s porous and prevents plants from being waterlogged (as I’ve seen in plastic pots). I like seeing the gradual growth of the plants I repotted. I wasn’t always like this. I feel like Amin is a better “plant dad” for the indoor plants. I’ve taken a liking to the outdoor plants.

We also purchased a hummingbird feeder this weekend and hung it on the tree nearest to our patio. I don’t know if we’ll have any luck attracting hummingbirds, but I do hope they get curious about it. Eventually, I want to buy wild bird seed to invite the mourning doves I’ve heard in the evenings.

In unrelated news, I talked to Amin last night about how I’ve been feeling anxious about my artwork and website presence lately. Although I could use my time after work to “create,” I have no desire to do so. Instead, I feel anxious and scared to get back into it. Apart from a few days this month that I spent time editing my website, I haven’t done anything creative like I used to.

Sometimes having this website feels pointless. I deduce that it’s because I don’t really have any followers. I think of myself as a prolific artist like Austin Kleon, but I’m not there yet. I had to remind myself that his “success” as a writer came after 10 years of writing almost every day.

I thought of Julia Cameron’s words yesterday as I shared my angst with Amin. She said something along the lines of: It’s harder not to write than it is to write. It’s harder to avoid doing the thing you’re supposed to be doing than it is to actually sit your butt down and do so. I guess I found my answer, so I’m sitting my butt down right now and drafting this post.

Another thing, I decided to change how I refer to my website. Instead of saying it’s a “blog”—something I still cringe at—I’m going to say it’s a “journal” because, in some way, it is. It’s an open journal to the public where I document my little life in hopes of developing a picture of the time I spent here on earth. It’s an archive. Yes, I do want something to become of it, but I need to take the pressure off to “produce” something and share because I can. I have to remember that this website is actually for me and others can join in reading it if they want to.